From A to Z

Expat success is a jumble of many factors but I believe none is more important than having a good friend base and social life. What is better at connecting and rooting you to your new home than having people to share it with? We have met some great people, so how did we do it?

1. Stay Motivated: If there is a group of people motivated to meet new people, it is Expats. There is no use in telling you to get motivated because you are likely polishing your best ice breakers and go-to stories in preparation, long before you even get to your new host country. The trick is to stay motivated while you are there otherwise all that hard work in the beginning is for naught. Stay the course Sailors and Sailor-chicks!

2. Start Before you Move: I am no stranger to making friends on-line much to the Boy's dismay. When I learned we "might" move, I started trolling the internet and came across blogs and forums and other forms of personal experiences. I reached out to several women in the blogging community, all willing to help and meet me upon my arrival. To this date I haven't attracted any psychopaths selling me on a "6 Minute Abs" video, so I still use it as a networking tool with great success.

3. Put your Fear in a Corner and Slap it Around: We are all afraid to a certain extent of rejection or failure so the thought of having to make a whole new group of friends can be daunting while producing a good deal of fear. This is especially the case if you are an introvert, but if there is ever a time to get out of your comfort zone, it is when you are an Expat. Tell your fear to look the other way and then bitch slap it. It may yell back "no one puts Fear in a corner!" but you can just walk away knowing that as an Expat, you are having the time of your life.

4. Join Something: You all know by now that my something was Intensive German Class, but it can be anything group oriented. Do you like knitting or cooking? Well then find a class. Have you always wanted to bring out your inner Mother Theresa but never had the time? Well then find a volunteer organization. The sky is the limit and through my something, I met some really great people and formed friendships.

5. Broadcast your News: Before we came over, we told anything that moved of our plans. We were excited and while I garnered a good deal of strange looks while talking to squirrels and the cashiers at Publix about our big move, a great deal of connections started popping up as a result. One neighbor in Atlanta alone connected us to 8 people in Zurich. Pretend you are a walking "Toastmasters Club" and network yourself, the results can be rewarding.

These 5 simples strategies have made for a busy social life and one that is very fulfilling. It requires a bit of effort but it is all well worth it because as I have mentioned before, home for me is where my heart is. When I learned we couldn't go to Atlanta, I got a BBQ together and it turned into one of my favorite nights here. Not only was the weather beautiful and the food awesome, the fact I had new friends to get over not seeing my old ones was a great comfort. So get yourself out there!

Any other tips for making friends in a strange new land? Any success stories you would like to share?

The festivities started out with what could have possibly been the longest parade I have ever witnessed and easily lasted over 3-4 hours. The parade consisted mostly of men representing a different working class guild and dressed like Benjamin Franklin holding flowers (sorta looked like an 18th Century version of the Gay Pride Parade).

Historically this day marked the beginning of "summer hours" for the working men. Summer hours meant once the church bells rang at 6pm, the working men could stop their work and enjoy a few hours of sunlight. Today the practice of summer hours no longer applies unfortunately and there isn't a mass exodus from businesses at 6pm, rather it is just more of an excuse to celebrate the coming of better weather...hopefully.

The festivities culminate with the burning of the Boogg which is a happy looking snowman towering over the part of Zurich called Bellevue. Little does happy snowman know he is about suffer an ugly death as he is filled with fire crackers and composed of highly flammable materials. The quicker the Boogg burns, the better Summer will be...the Swiss version of Groundhog Day. I am happy to report that sucker cooked in 12 minutes 54 seconds which is a very good time according to the Boogg Scale of Burnage. Since this is all very scientific, I am certain this Summer's weather is going to rock.

So back to Sexy Loitering. While taking in the burning of the Boogg, I couldn't help but notice that we were packed in like sardines which led to everyone inadvertently bumping and grinding with each other. It was crazier than Poison show filled with Rock of Love contestants (a little shout out to my favorite hair band front man Brett, Godspeed brother). Even though the fire was contained, I couldn't help but feel a little uneasy given the lack of escape routes.

It was an awesome day and further proof the Swiss know how to put on a festival/parade. More pics from the day:

This dude was about to throw this fish at some other dude. Homey in the corner looked pretty excited about it.

The "Scary Larry" Guild was in attendance.

The life of an Expat is never dull. Tomorrow we are supposed to fly to Atlanta to visit family, friends, BBQ's and Mexican restaurants but Mother Nature decided it is time to be a total ash-hole. I suppose she has every right to be, we sort of destroy her daily so perhaps we are getting our just desserts. According to our airline Delta, we have a 50/50 chance to fly out tomorrow which sounds promising right? I actually translate 50/50 to mean: you may fly out, you may not...we really don't know anything, we are just Delta representatives. Wait a sec, we do know something...how to say "no" 20 different ways, all the while convincing you customer service is dead". Sorry, I have long standing Delta Resentment Syndrome.

Originally this post was going to be titled "We're Coming to America...Tuesday!" and I was going to whip out some Neil Diamond pics and perhaps even video myself singing a few bars of some of his greatest hits. Who doesn't like the Diamond? I was also going to list, with a great deal of zeal, the top 5 things I was looking forward to on our first return visit. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to still list them although my "zeal" is now tempered with sad anticipation of what may come. Here is the list anyway, maybe if Mother Nature sees what I will be missing out on, she may pipe down:

1. Food- Restaurant food here is shockingly expensive while at the same time lacking in variety or quality. Meat is also "stick a fork in your eye" expensive so me want ribs, bacon, beef, BBQ'd flesh and the Boy wants Mexican food. I am a walking contradiction really. I love animals and I hate when they suffer, but I also chomp the hell out of them while uttering the following attractive noises: nom, nom, nom, CHOMP!, nom...burp. Word on the Expat street is by day 2 or 3 of gorging ourselves, our tummies may start rebelling. I am willing to risk a little belly discomfort for some temporary food comfort.

2. Shopping- I am not a shopper and it is quite disconcerting that all of a sudden I have turned into a chick who is looking forward to a little shopping action. I am not sure if I will even buy that much while in Atlanta, but I just want to walk all the aisles in Target. I mean EVERY AISLE, including the ones carrying automotive and scrap-booking supplies. I don't miss being a consumer, but I do miss finding a bargain. After living in Zurich for almost 9 months, sadly everything will seem like a bargain and I may feel temporarily rich. A very dangerous formula which could lead to mass consumerism.

3. Warm Weather- Atlanta's Spring has sprung and it appears to be barreling towards Summer. Zurich is sitting in an easy chair knitting socks because is still FRACKING cold out. Apparently Zurich doesn't spring towards anything, it sort of ambles about while twiddling its thumbs. We have had more sunshine and it is getting warmer, but we have yet to have real T-shirt weather. Shivering is over-rated and I am ready to be uncomfortably hot while trying to pick out the people who didn't use deodorant.

4. Understanding- I am looking forward to understanding the language that is being spoken to me and around me. There will be so many opportunities to eavesdrop and order the right thing and not make silly grammar mistakes. Just the other day I asked a sales person if I could "give him a colder beer" instead of "can I take a colder beer". My brain needs a language vacation like Lindsay Lohan needs rehab and a fried Twinkie.

5. Family and Friends- If home is where your heart is, then I have two. My heart can't wait to see everyone we left behind in the ATL.

Expat life is not "normal" and the only thing you can expect is the unexpected even though the unexpected doesn't always work out in your favor. If our trip planned for tomorrow wasn't meant to be, Expat life will move on and I will too, likely discussing a new topic that involves some sort of Top 5 list or play on words because that is what an Expat does.

1. I have to think before I speak or else I may offend someone (inadvertently of course).

2. When being spoken to, I look all angsty, like the teens from Twighlight.

3. I don't talk that much and when I do, my sentences consist of 3-4 words with "nicht" (commonly used as a negation) being the word I use most often.

So what do you get when you take a Swiss, Mexican and South African and put them in outdoor foldable chairs? We are talking pimp folding chairs, the kind that fit neatly in a bag with the all important cup holders.

a. A United Nations Meeting...with some pretty severe furniture budget cuts and booze.

b. A bar of chocolate, a tamale and World Cup Ticket.

c. A group of three people, with international flair, watching American style football.

d. All of the Above

If you answered "All of the Above", you were wrong...but that would be pretty psychedelic. The answer is right here:

Somehow the Boy managed to discover that Zurich has an American style football team called the "Zurich Renegades". I am a coach's daughter and the Boy a graduate of University of Georgia, so you could say we are diehard football fans. A bunch of Europeans playing football of course piqued our interest so we got a bunch of friends together and went to the Stadium. The Stadium turned out to be a grassy knoll and the field is one you can sign up for on a chalkboard, but there was a real-deal-Holyfield game going on:

The game had all the necessary ingredients: Cheerleaders (whose formations resembled more the Leaning Tower of Pisa than the Egyptian Pyramids), Refs with giant bellies, girls on unicycles (that is not a typo) and grown men in tight pants showing off their assets while beating the holy crap out of each other. The only thing missing was 5 yards between the 40 and 50 yard lines...no seriously, for some reason the 40-50 on both sides of the field were only 5 yards long therefore only making the field 90 yards long. We forgave this tiny detail.

So back to the Swiss, Mexican and South African attendees. I was walking around taking pictures and happened across a pretty serious set up, including a foldable table with cup holders:

I was so touched by their genuine appreciation for the game and their attention to detail, I mean look at this table...it is breathtaking. After chatting for a bit, I took a few more pics of the day:

No, it wasn't 7:20 in the evening rather this was their scoreboard. We still aren't sure how accurate the scores were as a little girl thought this was a toy and upon leaving, the Renegades appeared to have lost two points in the 4th Quarter.

These jackets and the 15 year old cheerleaders gave the game had a very "high school circa 1965" feel to it. We also had the all important opportunity to chant "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy" as a 5'2" running back for the Zurich Renegades scored a touchdown. It really doesn't get better than that.

Between watching a game I truly love and seeing it with great friends on a crisp fall-like day, it made for an enjoyable, hilarious and surreal experience.

1. Go to the store.

2. Buy something wrapped in plastic.

3. Unwrap what you just bought.

4. Get dogs excited by saying "look what I got!"

5. Watch your one dog start to shake.

6. Giggle.

7. Give your crazy dogs the plastic wrap.

8. Watch magic unfold, and it is almost free.

Also check me out on ACC where you will find me giving tips on how to survive as a trailing spouse. Unfortunately my tip list does not include taking plastic wrap, putting it into your mouth and trying to kill it like a woodland squirrel, but maybe I should have listed it...seems like a great stress reliever.

Me: "Ich hatte gern blahty blah" (I would gladly like to have blahty blah)

Salesperson: "Ok, would you like blahty blah to go?" (Ok, would you like blahty blah to go?)

Me: "Sheisse! Du sprichst fricken English, weil meine Deutsch so schlecht ist" (Poop! You are speaking fricken English, because my German is so bad)

Salesperson: "It is just easier, there is a long line behind you... so giddy up cowgirl" (no translation needed unfortunately)

I suppose you could have more than one "thing", I know I do. In addition to wanting the ability to communicate, I want me some bacon.

You think I jest, but I am dead serious about my unhealthy obsession with bacon. I firmly believe my heart and stomach are connected...I was born to love food and the best seasoning, side dish, strip of something, is bacon. I mentioned missing my fave food to another Expat 3 months ago or so. She looked at me like I was Whitney Houston after a crack binge and exclaimed "There is bacon here!". Needless to say I in turn looked at her like she was Whitney Houston on crack because at that point in time, I had only found Speck. There is a very good reason it rhymes with "heck": "Speck? That is no Bacon, what the heck?"....good thing it wasn't named "Spuck".

Then last week divine intervention happened. While I was looking for a less lame package of Speck, I decided to turn the corner and I caught a glimpse of something familiar. It was thick cut, it was happy, it spoke to me...it was BACON! I didn't even need to fry it in a pan to know it was bacon. I think the feeling I had would be similar to meeting with a long lost blood relative, something about it felt "familiar".

So the point of all this bacon talk is this: Expats have a "thing" or multiple "things" that they long for and can't seem to find in their new home. Is it homesickness? Is it an umbilical cord keeping them connected to their homeland? Whatever it is, it is totally benign, totally normal and it doesn't mean you are failing as an Expat.

Now that I found one of my "things" here, it undoubtedly needs to be replaced. I am not sure what my new "thing" will be but I have a trip to the States coming up, so I am sure I will learn what it is soon enough.

So what is your "thing"? What is that something familiar that keeps you connected to your homeland?

I miss the days I could just open the back door, let my dogs out and they would do their bidness. You could find me lazily watching them from the window with coffee cup in hand, making sure no poopage was ingested or rolled around in. Here there is no back door to open or window to watch poopage action from. The Boy or I must take the dudes to the closest park, all of which are really quite close however at 7:30 am, they seem so so SO far away. As they eat their breakfast a la "Hills Science Diet Allergen Free", I get dressed for battle in my DAILY morning outfit:

The event was held at the Zurich Saalsportshalle which only holds approximately 2,300 people. Had I put my thinking cap on while ordering tickets, I would have bought the cheapies because there isn't a bad seat in the house. It didn't disappoint as you were not only treated to some excellent tennis, you got to see classic John McEnroe outbursts and men wearing headbands:

Nothing screams American quite like McEnroe asking if the line judge speaks English, but everyone seemed to be enjoying one of our most famous bad boy exports...myself included.

I don't think Mac puts on an act either, rather he appears to be a honest to goodness poopy pants McGhee. His opponent Henri Leconte was extremely amusing to offset the tense moments, not to mention I loved his man hairband or "Mand". I think you can find them where the Murse or Mansiere are sold.

Other players represented included my one time favorite Stefan Edberg, who at age 12 I dreamed of marrying but alas I wasn't blonde or Swedish enough for him:

Also in attendance was Goran Ivanisevic who wasn't a favorite of mine, but was the most impressive tennis player of the bunch. He could probably still do some damage on the tour and he certainly sported the Mand quite well:

I laughed and reminisced this evening, along with 2,000 or so other participants. The love of a sport is about as universal and cross cultural as it comes.

When you arrive to your new country as an Expat, you feel like a guest and the host country is, well your host. It almost borders on dinner party formality and etiquette, the Expat being polite and almost subservient while the host country is telling you what to do, where to sit, what to eat, where to pee, where your dogs can pee, etc etc etc...

But then it happens, something goes awry and feel like complaining about it. As a guest though, complaining feels uncomfortable and you wonder if you really have the right to do it:

"Hey Guest In My Home, how were your beef tips?"

"Well, to be honest Switzerland, they were cold and didn't arrive on time which is strange because you are normally really good with the timing stuff. They made me very, very angry"

"Oh yeah? Well don't let the door hit you in the ass"

"Um, ok...your home is spotless though and I really love what you did with the..."

"OUT!"

So how do you earn the right to complain? It isn't that I lacked the intestinal fortitude to do so, it just required a few things to happen before I felt justified:

1. I became competent enough to complain in German.

2. I acknowledged that we too pay our share of Swiss taxes. Which by the way included a 50 page form asking you everything short of "what is your favorite song and why?"

3. Time cures almost everything, including Expat Self Esteem issues.

When I realized that I earned my right to complain, I marched into the office which held the people who did something poorly and/or wasted my time, and did just that. The representative who helped me immediately switched to English, which is par for the course, but I kept on speaking German sorta and complaining sorta. I had a huge cheshire cat grin while I was complaining, the woman likely thought I was insane, but she apologized with sincerity and took me seriously.

I am not suggesting that you HAVE to learn German to earn the right to complain, a 50 page Swiss tax form will do the trick, but you will earn some host country respect and likely get better results.

Happy Complaining!

Boo freakin hoo Kristi, it is cold in SWITZERLAND...send the Whaaaaambulance. I am getting far too adept at stating the obvious lately and hopefully my redundant subject matter won't leave you feeling cheated. But it is my blog and I will bore you with the obvious, because it is my obvious and and all very new to me.

So we are talking so cold that my tears freeze, much like the tears this fountain cries:

For some reason, and I can't figure out why, I feel really bad for this little cherub who is covered in an ice blanket and encased in a Planet Krypton-esque prison. Not too long ago we had a decent stretch of warmer weather, even Mother Nature was fooled as young shoots started to make their way out of the ground and some really brave purple flowers bloomed. It is Switzerland though and it is still very much Winter I am afraid. Those poor shoots are probably pretty pissed off right now, shaking their green fists up at the sky while shouting "Curses! Foiled again!"

Last weekend we were brutally reminded of Winter's longevity with a mild blizzard, complete with fairly strong winds and approximately 4-5 inches of snowfall. Today it is snowing again, the wind is whipping again and I can no longer compare Zurich weather with Atlanta's. If I know Atlanta, the turn to Spring is coming and likely not looking back. All Winter I could compare the two and at times we had warmer temps and less snow which gave me the sense that Winter here was a piece of cake. That cake has turned into humble pie however as it is becoming clearer each day that Winter lasts much longer here.

The mutterings of "oh sweet Jesus make it stop" or "Holy Crizzap it is cold" or even a little reverse Psychology "warm weather is for Wimps or when you retire", only give a little mental relief. Many Swiss, at least I assume they are Swiss, scoff at the cold by running in these conditions or even biking in them. Those folks are so bat crap crazy I am tempted to trip them, get them in a really vulnerable position and then start shaking them while saying "Stop acting so insane man! Huddle in your warm apartment like me and complain on a blog about how cold it is!". Without these crazy people, whose lives go on in the cold, I probably would be worse for wear though. My impulses to trip and shake them violently, quickly fall by the wayside and I get inspired for a few brief moments to make the best of it, even if "my best of it" consists of power walking towards something warmer.

So a subject that has been beaten to death, smacked around and put through the proverbial wringer by Swiss Expats, is how expensive Switzerland is. Depending on the wind currents in any given year, Switzerland consistently falls somewhere in the top 10 most expensive places to live in; which means the World, the Planet, and technically the Universe, that is unless you believe in Aliens with Champagne tastes and caviar dreams. For some reason I can't get the image of ET driving a Bentley wagging his really long, lit finger while listening Notorious B.I.G's "Mo Money, Mo Problems". I need help...seriously.

Economics in its simplest form tells you why, the more money a country and its people have, the more expensive the cost of goods and services are. Switzerland trails Norway with the second largest GDP in Europe, minimum wage garners you an impressive 40,000 Francs per year (give or take) and taxes are some of the lowest in the world. I get the Economics thang, but it doesn't make my 50 rappen Ibuprofen go down any easier. I am not exaggerating and if anything I rounded down, but I bought a 10 pack of double-strength Ibuprofen for 10.80 Francs. I can get 200 Ibuprofen in the States for less than that. Just taking a 50 rappen Ibuprofen gives me a headache.

Before I even stepped on Swiss soil, I made peace with the fact it would be astonishingly more expensive here. For the most part I have maintained this inner peace, but yesterday when I received a bill for our Annual Doggy Tax which worked out to be 10 times higher than what we paid in Atlanta, I found the nearest corner, slid into a fetal position and started sucking my thumb...all at the risk of reversing my orthodontic work.

Is EVERYthing more expensive here? Well, sorta but not entirely. To keep my sanity and my inner peace, I am constantly searching for a Swiss Bargain and while this is a phrase that typically falls into the "oxymoronic" category, once in a while something can cost less than in the US:

1. Chocolate and Cheese: Well freakin duh, but pound for pound...quality chocolate and cheese are both less expensive here than in the States. Sure you can get processed cheese and Hershey Chocolate (Sorry PA, but Hershey Kisses are more like chocolate farts to me) for less, but you can definitely score here with quality chocolate and cheese. I recently went to a friends house for a dinner party and she had the most amazing Swiss double or triple cream cheese I have ever tried. She paid 9 Francs and it could easily have cost twice that in the States.

2. Wine: In my humble opinion, and many may disagree with me on this subject, I think an 8 Franc bottle of wine is typically of better quality than a $8 bottle from the States. The lack of import fees on European wines likely have something to do with this. The impact of import fees can be seen in how comically expensive crappy American wines are here.

3. Electric: We have only gotten one bill for electric in the 5 months we have lived here and it was $100. Compared to what we paid in the states, this is peanuts.

4. Garbage: The Swiss do garbage different. Instead of billing you for monthly pick up, you pay roughly 1.60-2 Francs per 35L bag. When you first discover this "pay for what you actually use" system, it seems borderline insane to pay close to 2 Francs for a garbage bag. BUT, if you recycle properly, push the garbage down daily and ignore the creeping stench towards Day 6, you can get away with one bag per week. For us, garbage pick up works out to be just under 8 Francs per month which is about half of what we paid in Atlanta.

5. Fruit and Veg: Now, I am treading on thin ice here but again when you consider quality, the fruit and veg at your run of the mill food store is better and cheaper than in the States for in season produce. Out of season and/or organic produce is cheaper in the States.

6. Water: If you buy bottled water in Switzerland, well then you are throwing your hard earned money away. Bye bye rainbow colored pretty Swiss Money. You are too pretty to be in my wallet. The water from the tap is ice cold and free of any chemical taste, precisely what you are paying Evian or Dasani for.

7. Cable and High Speed Internet: We pay less for cable and internet here, 85 Francs vs $115 per month, but the rub is we can't understand 3/4 of what is broadcast on our TV. Most channels are in a different language, so technically you could argue cable is way more expensive here based on number of channels an English speaker can actually use...but on paper, it is cheaper here.

Anything produced, manufactured, packaged, herded or imported can easily be 2-10 times more expensive here. But don't cry for me Argentina, I knew this going in and it is the price we chose to pay for an amazingly rich experience. If I have one really cheap grain of advice for anyone considering a move here, do your best to come to terms with this harsh reality before you come over. Otherwise, you won't be able to see what this country truly has to offer through your blinders of rage .

And with that, any other Swiss Bargains out there that I have not yet discovered?

Since we have only been in Zurich for 6 months, the Boy and I are still treated to new traditions, holidays, experiences, etc. One of these new experiences is Fasnacht, a Catholic tradition of Carnival, a giant party lasting 72 hours celebrating and/or mourning the upcoming 40 days of Lent. The event culminates with an amazing parade full of confetti, elaborate costumes, human pyramids and cheer.

1. Confetti: They take their confetti quite serious here. It is rumored confetti was "invented" in Basel Switzerland, the home of the largest Fasnacht celebration. This rumor very well may be true considering I have never seen so much in my entire life. It was everywhere, and still is everywhere, including my apartment floor. Our friend Saskia was doused (assaulted) with the stuff, she may be finding it for years to come:

So instead of showing you Rome in several blog posties, I have decided to show you our trip in the form of a children's picture book. Enjoy!