From A to Z

And that is you are likely much warmer than me today.  Today it is 52 degrees and raining.  I had to hide the butter knives and vodka for fear I might do something crazy.  It is August and my two middle toes froze while running errands.  The whole city seems to be pissed off as I spotted several staring contests between strangers on the tram today.  Let's just say no one looked away and no one won.

The lack of heat wouldn't be so debilitating had I not just returned from the south of France where I was treated to 90 degree, low humidity weather.  Yeah, I am rubbing it in but I know you are all secretly relishing the fact that you are warmer than me today...much, much warmer.

On another note, you can catch me over on ACC today talking about straitjackets and stuff.

This picture says it all...albeit incorrectly, but it is true nonetheless.

People, today marks my one year anniversary of living in Zurich, Switzerland.  In honor of this momentous occasion, I have decided to bring you some hard hitting journalism.  I am going to interview myself.  The negotiations were a bit tense at times but after several sessions of talking to myself (sometimes in public), I finally worked something out with me. The questions below are ones I would have liked to have seen answers to before moving to Zurich so consider yourself "about to be informed":

You may or may not have heard by now, but the Boy and I are hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro this February. The Boy decided we should shake things up a bit on our second trip to Africa and figured hiking the highest freestanding mountain in the world fit the bill. I agreed enthusiastically but since I am geographically challenged, I only knew it was some bad ass mountain in Africa.  You know a mountain is bad ass when its name contains "kil" which is one "l" short of "kill"...which implies death...and come to find out, you can actually die on this mountain due to its altitude.  My initial enthusiasm thus became tempered with some good old fashioned "Kristi Anxiety Over Death" or KAOD for short, which sounds like "K-O'd", which means knocked out...making it the perfect acronym.

In preparation for the hike of our lives (I am going with "lives" instead of "deaths" here because I want to remain positive), we decided it was time to go on some real hikes. The kind that involve hiking poles, snow and a few terror induced tears (ahem...by yours truly).  Coincidentally a few months back I was introduced to my Dad's cousin who just so happens to summer in the Arosa Valley region of Switzerland. We arranged a meeting in Zurich and quickly hit it off.  She proceeded to invite me and the Boy to their home in St. Peter and voila!  Our first training session was planned, fit with seasoned hikers who just so happened to be family.

So I really wasn't sure what to expect and since our hosts were the pros, I left the planning up to them.  After a 20 minute drive from St. Peter to Arosa, we took a trail alongside a river bed that gently went upwards. "Gently" gradually became steeper and soon a snow covered ridge came into view. This was the ridge we were going to hike up and then hike down. Due to rainfall from the previous week, this portion of our hike was completely snow covered...in August. AUGUST!  This made finding the trail markers a challenge, but a fun, semi-nerve wracking one nonetheless.

We did have a secret weapon:  Gretel, the super hiking dog who somehow knew which part of the ridge to go up.  We never failed to find the markers, even if half of them were snow covered or difficult to see.  The Boy and I were taught hiking techniques on the fly and as I climbed higher and higher, my confidence began to soar.  When we reached the top of the ridge, I went to check out the trail down.  The down part is the one that always gets my adrenaline going.  It is the part that is synonymous with death and typically reduces me to a puddle of nerves and mutterings of  "WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND DOES THIS?".


Expecting to find a trail and then not finding any distinct semblance of one, the confidence that soared while going up, quickly made a long fart noise and exited my body.  I was with family and the Boy though, who promised to stick with me while I moved at a snail's pace.  I had to use my hiking poles in more unconventional ways, along with my hands, all the while side stepping slippery, muddy scree and snow.  Scree is an "m" short of what I wanted to do the first 10 minutes of our descent.  With a little bit of patience, a lot of side stepping, a sprinkle of terror induced tears and a lot of love from the Boy, I made it down the really scary part.

There were so many rewarding moments that outweighed the terror.  I conquered an intense fear of going down a mountain with no discernible trail, I realized I can do Kili because apparently the hike is less intense than this one and I formed new bonds with family.  Here are some more pics from the day and as you can see, Switzerland is pretty ugly:

Pretty part of mountain with a pretty lake and a pretty reflection

A little Edelweiss which is a rare find

Stereotypes and labels can be pretty damaging but there are typically grains of truth from which they sprout.  Whilst living in Zurich, I have heard quite a few and one in particular really yanks my crank: Zurich is boring.  I suppose it makes me angry because it implies that I am boring because frankly, I love boring Zurich.  I think the majority of my anger though comes from the opinion that it simply isn't true.

Last night the Boy and I dragged our tired, battered, sunburned butts* to Orange Cinema Night.  Located in Zurichhorn Park, a nightly movie is shown on the big screen between July 15th and August 15th.  The setting is stunning - the screen literally sits in lake, which is lit with twinkling lights, casting their reflections off the water's surface. The semi-comfortable seats only give you minor tingling by hour 2 and if you look really close, you can spot bats flying in front of the screen.  Hey, wildlife sightings are hard to come by here so this excited me.

We heard and read so many good things about this experience which I have to say were pretty spot on.  Because I want your experience to be a good one, here are a few tips should you decide to check it out for yourself:

1. Get your tickets early and get there early- Reserved seating is difficult to get as most of the seats are reserved for local sponsors and their lucky recipients.  We purchased our tickets too late and ended up with  "freie sitzwahl" tickets which are "first come, first serve" tickets (aka "poop out of luck" tickets).  Our seats weren't bad but we were limited to the left side, front section or the really left side, front section. Since there aren't many first come, first serve seats available, arrive early so you can get a decent seat.

2. You can BYOB or BYOF - Our bags weren't checked so if you want to save some coin, bring your own booze or food.  If you don't want to bring your own B or F, there are food and drink vendors on location.

3. Don't forget to get your free ice cream - OK, so it isn't exactly "free"...you are spending at least 20 chf per person for these tickets, but your ticket does include a free ice cream.  You can't miss it, just look for the massive blob of people who aren't forming any semblance of a line.

4. Pack rain gear and a blankie - The show goes on rain or shine and cancellations only occur in the event of a storm.  I got a little bit chilly last night so I was glad I packed my fleece jacket.

This is a "must do" if you live in Zurich so check it out...next year though since it is likely sold out for the Summer.

* "sunburned butts" is a figure of speech.  Our butts weren't sunburned, rather our necks, faces and forearms.  Our burned forearm area is particularly cool as we now look like we have Wonder Woman arm bands tattooed on our skin.  If only I had kept my Wonder Woman Underoos...I would then have the perfect costume for the Zurich Street Parade this weekend.  Oh yeah, I had these growing up.  

In the 11 months I have lived in Switzerland, I have yet to spot a squirrel.  I have been told they exist and one person was even kind enough to describe one to me: small little creatures, with big ears and shy.  In the States we call that a mouse.  The Boy swears he has spotted two - one black and one brown, but until I see one for myself, the Swiss squirrel is the equivalent of Big Foot - folklore and only to be seen after one too many drinks or after a severe blow to the head.

There is a small animal here that does remind me of the squirrel though.  It shares many of the same traits:

1. Annoying

2. Everywhere

3. Doesn't move when approached

Friends, may I present to you...THE SLUG:


EEEK!  When it rains in the summer, these bad boys are everywhere.  Walking on the sidewalk is like navigating a minefield of gelatinous-like turds as they like to come out of their grassy dens to hang around on something concrete (sort of like the teenagers who constantly loiter in the front of the BP).  If you do inadvertently step on one, they turn into something that resembles a loogie coughed up by a person with Emphysema...in other words - pretty nasty.

They can get quite large and when they do, they often resemble my dog Pedro's poopy and/or a king sized Tootsie Roll.  Their life appears to be rather sad, lonely and short as they are never in pairs and when the sun comes out, they shrivel up like a vampire.  Unlike the squirrel, they don't dart into traffic (um...they don't dart ever) and they appear to be a seasonal visitor.

For some unknown reason, my "normal" includes the daily presence of an annoying animal so for that, I couldn't be happier to share the sidewalk with the SLUG.  (insert scary Vincent Price Thriller laugh here - and don't ask me why)

I only wish I could have left my hips there too...oh well, such is life, ho-hum, long exhale while staring out a window.  Two days ago I returned 10 pounds heavier from Atlanta and while it is no secret that I missed friends and family, I was shocked to learn just how much I missed good, cheap, no frills FOOD.  Eating my way through the ATL was one of the highlights of our first return trip and I can still taste the greasy goodness from our two amazing burger experiences.  You would think a good burger is easy to come by in 21st Century Europe...think again.

So let me stage the Zurich food scene: picture sausage, veal in a mushroom cream sauce (which they call Zurich Art), fried potatoes and melted cheese.  Then pan over to the bathroom that your run to after your 5th slice of Raclette.  While slices of melted cheese are tasty and all, no boiled potato, gherkin or pickled onion will enable your body to process it effectively.  I actually like all of the German influenced cuisine I listed above but I can only do so much of it before I start daydreaming about the Thai or Indian food from Atlanta which causes me to weep happy tears.  Zurich does have a decent amount of ethnic eateries but I have yet to come across one that makes me cry like a teenage girl who just saw Justin Bieber flick his weird ass bowl cut. His bowl cut is as mind blowing as watching a toilet flush in the southern hemisphere for the first time, backwards and freaky.  In all fairness to Zurich, we have found good places to eat for all budgets, although I use the word "budget" loosely.  I am so fair that I even posted some restaurant recommendations over on ACC so I could feel less guilty about bashing Zurich's food scene.

Five Guys Goodness

Oh Atlanta, you little food minx...the first night we were there, you showered us with burger kisses.  Our friends Kevin and Sus were kind enough to take us to Holeman & Finch, famous for its 10pm burger. They only make 24 of the these lovelies and we got there at 8pm in order to reserve ours.  At 10pm sharp, a  procession of servers delivered the sizzling burgers to the 24 lucky souls who got there early enough to stake claim to theirs. Unfortunately, my stomach has become a bit atrophied over the past 11 months and couldn't handle the entire burger, but the Boy came through and finished the half I could not.  Two days later we went round two with a burger from Five Guys Burgers and this time, I finished the whole thing.  It was a taste sensation.  More taste sensations in Atlanta included the Chicken 65 from my favorite Indian Restaurant Zyka, the Banh Mi from Littles in Cabbagetown, over 10 plates of awesomeness from my brother's restaurant INC Street Food and of course the honey bacon from Sun in My Belly (although it did end up causing a storm in my belly an hour later).

In stark contrast, Zurich is a classic underachiever.  It has all the potential in the world with unbelievable access to amazing produce and meats but fails to deliver with over-priced, average fair.  I still haven't figured out why this is the case but I hope with the increasing flow of us Ausslanders into this great country, we will at least get to a place where we have over-priced, awesome food.

This post was written for AffordableCallingCards.net, a community linking Expats and soon to be Expats. I know a lot of my readers travel, so check out how you can get cheap calling cards overseas,which means one less thing to worry about while you are busy sipping on a Pina Colada.