From A to Z

A year ago today I turned 34 and found myself in crisis.  Birthdays have historically yielded disappointment or shame that I was disappointed, but let's face it, how significant is this day really?  Yes it is a day supposedly dedicated to you and your existence, and somehow your existence is now governed by how many Facebook "Happy Birthdays" you receive.  I wonder if the creators of Facebook knew they were releasing a cyber 8th grade popularity contest for which some people it either validates or invalidates their self worth.

Anywho, back to the crisis I had a year ago.  I decided then that I didn't do enough in my lifetime.  I felt I had nothing to show for my 34 years, independent of my wonderful marriage and two doggies.  I was Kristi, I worked, I cleaned, I cooked, I laughed, I loved, but I didn't feel like I ever pushed the envelope.  I was always too afraid.  My crisis made me aware that deep inside, in some small crevasse located in my brain or heart, I wanted to do something that really tested me.  Shortly after my 34th birthday I ran a half marathon, but I had done that before and while it is a scary thought to run 13.1 miles, it is decidedly temporary.  I wanted to do something more profound, a life change if you will.

It was then I decided to go back to school. I am not going to lie, the thought of going to school while working full time was terrifying because it meant all work and no play.  I began taking pre-requisites for the Dietetic program at GSU which consisted of Chemistry and Lab.  I had vague memories of high school Chemistry, how it was all math-y and hard.  I was shocked to learn I actually enjoyed it a little, and I kicked its mother fargin ass.  I knew I could face "scary" and win, but it wasn't without pain.  I had strained some friendships being unavailable and I had little "me" time.

While I was getting my Chem on, the Boy started putting feelers out for a Global rotation overseas because Chemistry made me so confident that I said to the Boy "Get us to Europe, stat!".  Well, it turned out to be "Get us to Europe, really slow and methodically!" because these things take time and this too wasn't without some pain.  Obviously we got here but just a year ago, I was freaking out about doing nothing with my life...just a year ago my friends.

Moral of this story is, do your scary. Doing your scary begets doing more scary, then you find you get all confident and even swagger.  I catch myself swaggering to the bus stop all the time.  A little bit of swagger is a good thing, especially if a year ago on your birthday you thought your life was pretty swagger-less.

p.s. If you want to wish me a "Happy Birthday", you can do so by visiting Facebook, not that I think it validates my self worth or anything.