From A to Z

I am putting off Deutsch lernen so I can share with you three things that happened to me today. I can't say today has been my favorite day in der Schweiz.  It was rather challenging as I had to deal with these things while suffering through a dry cold.  Oh, what is a dry cold?  The kind that gives you a raging sore throat, no energy and a sexy voice.

So without further a-doo, here they are in no particular order:

1. I bet you didn't scare two children this morning and make them run, but I did.  I want to say it was my ferocious Boston Terrors they were running from but it could have been my morning outfit.  I go out every morning in pajama pants, an oversized sweatshirt I stole from my brother and last night's make up.    While scaring two small children and making them run is at first humorous, you can't help but feel really odd about it after the initial humor wears off.  I also have to wonder what this odd fear of dogs Swiss children have.  This isn't the first time I have witnessed this.  More on this later.

2. I bet you weren't yelled at by a naked woman today, but I was.  I am talking butt ass naked...which doesn't make the experience any more fulfilling gentlemen, in fact I would say I found it more humiliating.  So apparently I was using the sauna or whatever incorrectly so she told me what I was doing wrong in German.  I asked her to spreche some English, so she proceeded to explain kindly enough.  I then got up to leave and shower but apparently I didn't close the door properly.  She yelled at me with such venom that I literally had tears well up in my eyes.  Then while I was in the shower, I thought of all the things I wish I could have said  back to her like "nice rack, not" OR "good thing you go to a gym, because you're fat",  but alas I held back.

3. I bet your blind dog wasn't attacked, but mine was.  I just returned from Pedro and Dooley's favorite toilet, a park just down the street on the lake.  Two dogs that looked like mops proceeded to come up to us off leash and I knew that meant trouble.  They immediately attacked Pedro because they sensed his weakness and tried to capitalize.  Hey mop dogs, I get it that you're angry because you're ugly...I mean you aren't even cute ugly, you are just plain ugly dogs. You look in mirrors and they crack.  You make babies cry.  You make old women want to push people in Basel.  Mop dogs, I swear the next time you attack my blind dog, I will kick you and then I will kick your stupid, unapologetic owner in the shins.

So that brings me the Swiss kids and their seemingly odd fear of dogs.  Could it be there are mop dogs hiding out in bushes randomly attacking kids?  Could it be these kids weren't really afraid and just practicing their drama skills for their upcoming Christmas Pageant?  Could it be they were just yelled at by a naked woman and I reminded them of her?  I guess it doesn't really matter, but oh what a challenging and odd day it was.